“We examine our actions, reactions and motives. We often find that we have been doing better than we’ve been feeling.” NA Basic Text p43
“These things I have spoken unto you, that my joy might remain in you, and that your joy might be full.” John 15:11
In the past, sometimes even the recent past, my actions were often reactions with ulterior motives that would benefit me alone. Instead of improving my life or my situation, I found I was causing more harm to myself in the long run. In an effort to correct that I would do another not so good action based on a bad reaction that once again would benefit me. This was just a never ending cycle. It was how I lived through life. Hell, I thought it was how everybody lived through life. However, after beginning 12 Steps and making some serious geographical changes, I have found a new way to live which doesn’t always coincide with how I’m feeling at the moment.
Emotions, feelings, are often the hardest things to notice when making a positive change in your life. Even through the many positive breakthroughs I’ve had recently, I still have bad feelings. Did I do the right thing? Did I say the right thing? Is my progress detrimental to someone else’s progress? Eventually though our outward personality will cause change to our inner person. Let’s face it….we are our own worst enemies. Today, I talk truthfully and openly with people. I couldn’t do that before, especially with those people who were closest to me. Now instead of helping someone out looking for something in return, I help out where I can just to help out.
Examining my actions, reactions and motives is part of my tenth step. In examining this part of my daily life, I can immediately see my faults and correct them before it becomes that vicious cycle again. Once I can readily see my faults and correct them, I no longer have to rationalize my actions and motives. It is freedom to be me without excuses. I wouldn’t trade that sense of freedom for anything in the world. It feels good to get up in the morning and be me. Not some persona that I’ve made myself out to be, but instead the real person.
My spiritual self is becoming stronger as well. No longer am I hiding from my Higher Power. Now I am taking the time to listen and to allow my spirit to become full of spiritual things instead of carnal objects. Between working the Steps daily and communicating with God daily, I am becoming more complete than I have ever been. Sure I screw up every now and again, but I am able to own up to my mistakes quickly before causing others too much harm. It’s not always easy and I do find myself making an attempt to rationalize. But the more I work on this particular area of my life, the more whole I become .
There is no post on Sundays. I do however post an online sermon:
Sunday August 31, 2014