“We may fear that being in touch with our feelings will trigger an overwhelming chain reaction of pain and panic.” NA Basic Text p30
The sentence above seems to strike men more than women. I don’t like being “in touch” with my feelings. I don’t like remembering the terrible things I’ve done in the last two decades. I especially do not want to deal with unresolved issues from my past. It does cause a great deal of pain and, in my case, severe panic. But we must overcome the fear of doing our moral inventory if we expect to grow and continue in recovery.
When taking our moral inventory of ourselves, some things will come up that haven’t in a long time. These hidden things or actions most often will be painful. Because we have buried them deep within ourselves, we may inadvertently they are forgotten for a reason. That is our fear talking and not our heart.
The mind fabricates fear as a self-defense mechanism. The act of writing out our inventory sometimes intensifies that fear. We as addicts must overcome the fear of our past and what the past may or may not bring. Afterall, we are taking a thorough and fearless inventory of our character. If we are truthful in this inventory, we will be released from the bondage that keeps us in fear.
Overcoming our fears will bring us freedom. One way to overcome the fear is to ensure that your written inventory is in a safe place. Inform family members that this is your own personal diary and that it is personal. Keep with your sponsor or the trusted person you will be sharing it with anyway. We cannot allow fear to prevent us from writing out our inventory and continue in our recovery.
Remember, we are releasing ourselves from the bondage of addiction. We must be truthful and vigilante in each step of our recovery. Are you going to allow fear to keep in bondage or are you ready to break the chains of fear?